Chook Me!

How do I calm my aggressive nature?

I'm 13,and always ready to fight about anything.I'm really loyal to friends and family,but if I don't know someone,it's like if they do one thing that gets on my nerves or makes me mad,I'll just get straight buck.It's been like that for the past year and a half,when I accidently bruised some chicks cheek bone.I want to appear calm and nice and stuff.It's worse at school,and it's embarrasing when you have someone who is as fiesty as you and your friends have to drag you into the bathroom to calm yourself down and miss half of a class shouting curses in spanish.I've tried stress balls and the whole breathing,count to 10 thing does not work for me.I think I even appear slightly intimidating Imean,in general,i'm a good person.I love sports,movies,whatever like a regular teen,but fighting is something i've always done,and never thought about. http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p67/AshalaBoo02/SUBWAY1.jpg http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p67/AshalaBoo02/08100710502.jpg http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p67/AshalaBoo02/08090719361.jpg And tips on smiling?I've noticed It's hard for me to do that as well. http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p67/AshalaBoo02/100_0560.jpg http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p67/AshalaBoo02/100_0200.jpg and the 6th awnserer-yeah,i've done the whole sex thing,agree with that-but i'm actually not too short-5'6,and i've done boxing,loved it,but too expensive for my mom.... Aloha,I really loved your advice,but too correct you [I have a problem with this too =) ] I'm half latina,my moms is white,she thinks woman rule the house.we're kind of opposite.thats what drives me loca too.

Public Comments

1. it's a maturity thing. when you get arrested and spend some time in juvie, you'll calm wa-ay down...or you'll get worse and graduate to prison. my suggestion? start working out really hard or join a team that will force you to work out like crazy. strenuous exercise provides endorphins to your brain, which will calm you and make you feel happier. be consistent with this and not only will you get calmer, but you might end up being a champion or something...
2. do u pray or meditate? plz do so = this is the right age to take control of yourself.
3. The good thing here is that you recognize that it's a problem. The next step is getting some counseling. You need to talk to a professional and find out what is at the root of your aggression. Once you deal with those issues my guess is you'll stay in control. It's ok to stand up for yourself and not take alot of garbage from others but it's another thing to go looking for trouble or not to know when enough is enough. That will lead you right down the path to disaster. Talk to an adult you trust and tell them what's going on and tell them you'd like to talk to a counselor or a psychologist. No-one eles needs to know. If you don't do something now, this will plague you and get worse as you get older...Good Luck
4. try an herbal remedy.About the smiling thing ,think happy thoughts. And practice makes perfect .But, you really need to get your temper under control.try screaming in a pillow when your upset it releases a lot of tension ,wich can lead to anger.Not many people like to hang around with an angry,fly off the handle kind of person.WORK ON IT
5. Just wait a while. You'll meet someone more aggressive than you, and you can think things over in hospital.
6. I agree with Chieko. Take up boxing, you could be good and it's counterintuitive, but the better you are at messing people up, the less you feel the need to do it. When you get old enough for sex, that'll take a lot of the edge off too, and you'll make someone very happy. I'm guessing that you are strong, but really short. Compensation is a lot of what causes aggression.
7. Aww, such a pretty girl too! (I'm a mother of a 13 year old boy) Remember a couple things about when you act this way. #1. You have extra mental energy. That's why your mind works so fast to connect a thoughtless action to your offence. I bet your completely bi-lingual. Meaning that your Spanish exceeds your swearing abilities. Have you thought about learning a third language? Multi-lingual people are gemstones in the business workforce! Don't dismiss this "normal" part of your ability: develop it further...it's special! #2 You have extra physcial energy. Which is why instead of a flight reaction (as many girls have) yours is one of fight. Physical fighting is not acceptable, and even verbal can land you in some trouble. Try a sport. This is how to burn off extra mental AND phsyical energy, so that your mind and body can be collected and calm in situations where you want to keep the upper hand. I know that sometimes WHERE we are, relates to much of how we act, and mostly on survival. If you go to a school with a lot of girls who like to fight, and pick on you, it's important to not be trampled by these, but also to stay out of trouble so you can earn a spot in college. Most of all, remember that fighting is not attractive to boys or men. Being latina, your mother may have taught you that whether the men actually rule the house is irrelavant, they just need to feel and look like they do...that's what makes US girls attracted to them!
8. join a team and wen u get to high skool run coss country (i do im 15) its an endurance thing so put all ur energy of fighting into keep pushing ur legs and ull b real tired to fight....btw ur cute
9. First, notice what you think. Make a major point of catching those first thoughts that come into your mind when something bothers you, and TELL YOURSELF something different. Try to make an accurate statement to yourself of what's really going on "She's trying to get attention", "She just said something ignorant", "I don't think she's paying attention to me", or whatever you can pinpoint. Do this before you physically react by telling yourself firmly to freeze. Say it mentally, say it under your breath outloud until it becomes habit to take those few milliseconds to get control of yourself so you can manage the situation. It may feel embarrassing to have to manage this, but all of your friends have their own things to work on. If they're not trying to be better people now, they'll be trying after they've lost so much they'll be wishing they'd done something sooner. I would strongly suggest getting a physical from your doctor. If you're having serious problems controlling both anger and stress, you might have issues with your thyroid or something else affecting your hormones. Also, look closely at the sugar and caffeine you might be consuming. Some people are very sensitive to stimulants, and notice a very positive reaction when they switch to decaffeinated teas and less sugar. Blueberry tea actually tastes great, as do some of the orange ones, for a person not used to drinking tea. Smiles come as you reduce your general stress level enough to feel comfortable enjoying your environment with less inner conflict. Rather than swear in private to blow off steam, start yelling something constructive. Yes, "Why am I angry!" You'll get an answer from yourself eventually, and then you can yell that. "She puts me down all the time!" Then, you'll get a solution that doesn't involve violence. "Fine, I'll tell her!" And if she argues, you'll know what to do. "I'll just have to tell her I hate it, and I'm backing away for a while."
10. Try to think of others as how you would want to be treated. If someone is aggressive toward you, that or course makes you aggressive, but being nice is also contagious. I have a job that I'm on the phones all day and must talk to at least 100 people a day, and the ones that are not polite, can really get you upset, but you mustn't show them your upset, or they win. Usually a positive attitude, will bring positive people to you, negative, draws negativity to you. Its what I have learned with having to deal with all kinds of people everyday. Hope this helps. Even I cant stay calm at times when you get extremely rude people that you have to deal with. They usually will get it back eventually, what goes around, comes around! When you get upset, just take a deep breath, try to stay focused, and keep your cool, some people aren't even worth getting upset over!
11. you need to take a step back when you feel it coming on..think about your actions before doing something..