Chook Me!

move in with parents after divorce?

Over a year ago I managed to find the guts to get a divorce from an abusive pathalogically lieing cheating spouse. It took me 23 years of his mental games and attemps of sucide that wasted my life away. I have 2 grown children out of the house and 2 teens at home, He left me destititute. I''m on disability due to a health probeblem and cannot depend on the smaill ssi monthly wage, and I'm in forclosure. Part of him agreeing to give me a divorce was no alimony-no liability to make house payments -no higher education contribution. Just a measly 100- for the 2 children every 2 weeks. Now faced with this forclusure deadline, my parents have helped me on and off, but with a price. They want to control me, and what my children do, They tell me I casued the "damage"and therefore I only have them now. They are almost senile and that's why i don't fight back, I always say "thank you" and I appreciate the help, but I feel I would be taking 10 step back intstead of forward. It took me so long to feel this independence that I feel today from this man that posseessed my life. Now, if I move in with them, it's basically going under theri rules. My girls cannot have friends over, because her house is like a muesuem. Meals must be eating according to thier clock, I must get rid of my personal furniture because it's "cheap" and would ruin the look of her house. I'd rather live in a chicken coop and eat peanut butter and jelly than, in a sprawling house with them haunting me 24/7. Then I think that may be the wrong decision, maybe I should try to tough it out, however "temporary" does not exist in my family. They will always find an excuse to make me stay. What do I do? I'm 49 years old

Public Comments

1. Wow, first off let me tell you how sorry I am. But good for you, be strong, get out of that marriage, and live your life. What doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger. If you have to move in with your parents to survive, then you must do it. I'm sorry for you and your children. Good luck.
2. u shouldn't have settled for such a measly settlement from him in the first place. i would take him back to court on the child support. if u can get other living arrangements i would try to before i moved in with my parents. u were really entitled to alimony, u should never have allowed him to get away with giving u nothing.
3. Why are you asking us? It seems to me like other people have been making decisions for you your entire life and look how it has turned out. Figure out what you want to do. With income based housing and fasfa and a little bit of food stamps you should be able to get a decent paying job in the next few years considering you don't work. With as little as you make and all you should be able to get community college paid for 100% and get food stamps and affordable housing till you can get on your feet. The balls in your court if your life stays crapy it is your fault and if it gets better let that be your fault.
4. Thats amazing i just come out of a controlling possesive relationship i was married for 29years i envy you i two have grown children try and stick it out till you get on your feet.Its hard i know but you can do it your freedom is priceless and you will feel the freedom and your so lucky to have parents alive to help i never did and it tens times harder hope you make it just have faith trust me i understand please email me i love to chat with you hope you find some answers here but mostly the answers are within and its hard good luck and may it all work out for you
5. I know it feels like your going from the frying pan into the fire for you are leaving one controlling relationship to go into another. Know that your parents still love you, but they are probably frustrated at your inability to take care of yourself at this age. So what? $heet happens! It's the way of life. You need to find the power withing to offer them grace as they are offering it to you. You need to get your sorrya$$ husband into court and get child support moving through the courts. It should be at least $1000 / month if not more. Even though you are going into your parents house - you still need to set the boundaries around your life and your children. You have never really done this in your life. Time to start..........
6. I'm very proud of you for being strong enough to leave your abusive husband. No matter how difficult your life may be now, it is a small price to pay to be free of this man, and you should give yourself props for your decision. I can hear in your writing that this man has really torn down your self esteem and has stripped you of your energy. As hard as it is going to be, this is your oppurtunity to teach your girls the most important lesson that they will ever learn from you, and that is overcoming adversity and loving yourself enough to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and making a new life for yourself where you can feel happy, secure, and safe. Whether you realize it or not, those girls are closely watching your every move, and this is your chance to teach them some of the most important lessons they will ever learn. If moving in with your parents is your only option, then take it and be grateful that you have parents who love you enough to take you in and help you get back on your feet. It is never easy to go home again and you do have to abide by their rules in their home, no matter how old you are. Sometimes you have to take 10 steps back in order to find which direction forward you are meant to go. Everything you are fixing to endure has the potential to be a learning experience if you open your mind and allow it. You need to consult a good attorney ( a lot of consultations are done free of charge) and make sure that you are getting everything that you are entitled to by law from your ex husband. Do not be afraid to fight for what is rightfully owed to you and your girls. Next, you need to do some research and learn ways to make a living that your disability will allow. There are many jobs that can be done from home, just be careful and do your homework so you don't fall victim to a scam. There are oppurtunities out there for people with disabilities, you just have to commit yourself to finding the right one for you. Get excited! This is a whole new chapter of your life, but attitude is everything. Dig in with both feet, be positive, and a whole new world will open itself up to you. Good luck.