Chook Me!

i'm a 21 yr. old college student, never had a gf, never kissed a chick successfully, and chicks think i'm gay?

Basically, i suck at talking to girls and end up being the "nice" guy cuz i'm too laid back. Half of the time i think chicks think i'm gay for some reason, maybe because i'm really skinny or cuz i'm real shy around them. I haven't been on a date since my first one a year ago...and that was prob my first one in my life (basically cuz i don't get out that much so its been hard). I kissed a chick before, but i just froze up that one time cuz i didn't know how to. Later on the next day, the chick called me up and asked if i was gay. lol yea i know it sounds funny, but for me its embarrassing man. I also have an older sister and she gets on my case a lot too and asks/says a bunch of gay stuff to piss me off and test me cuz she hasn't seen me with a chick/gf. Man, I just suck at life and this has killed my ego. I'm a 21 yr. old virgin and it sucks, and everytime i see a hot chick in the street, i think to myself damn...how can i get a chick like that? is there anyone out there like me? damn

Public Comments

1. Don't beat yourself up. I think your shyness and behavior problems around women have a lot to do with your performance anxiety. Lots of guys don't have sex until later. And your sister is just being an a**. Anyone who tries to make you feel bad about yourself doesn't deserve your attention. Learn to relax and be yourself around women. Practice faking/acting confidence around people, as you see them treat you as if you really were your confidence will grow. Smile a lot and find opportunities to give people compliments (but not any out of context remarks). Look for opportunities to be around people you enjoy and respect. Before long you will be deeply involved with someone. If you are worried about techniques or skills, there are plenty of books you can read to educate yourself. Since very few people actually educate themselves about how to please other people, you will quickly end up being far more capable than any of the other guys around. Most people will show you what they like by encouraging or discouraging certain things. I was the only guy in my high school who knew how to find a woman's g-spot and it was because I read feminist literature. None of the other guys even knew what one was, much less where to find it.
2. You probably won't believe me, but most people are like that. It isn't that natural to go up to a stranger and know what to say. I think you need a wing man. Get someone who is comfortable around girls and he can help you feel more comfortable.
3. I think you sound sweet, and most girls don't understand that. I mean, although they say they don't, all girls want a 'macho man' whatever that is, and you sound like a 'good guy'. They'll soon realise that macho is nothing but an act. You need more confidence. Get comfortable with yourself and soon everything else will fall into place. I don't think you're gay. You're just shy, and your sister isn't making things easier for you. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. Don't feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to. Besides, virgins are hot. Try getting out more, go to bars and just hang around with your friends. Soon, the girls will be falling over themselves to get with you. Good luck.
4. Betsy raises a good point about having a wing man who is comfortable around girls. I'd add to join as many clubs, groups, etc. that you can. It's a lot easier to talk to someone when you share a common interest. You actually sound like a great guy. It's too bad you're not gay in my opinion! ;)
5. So you freeze up around girls, you get nervous, and don't know what to say. It's only natural to feel like that. (I shouldn't be talking b/c I've never been on a date to begin with and im almost 19 y/o and a virgin, never kissed anyone). Just remember, they are human. They aren't going to bite your head off or anything. Just act natural and talk to girls about whatever. There's no reason to get nervous. Just be like "hey what's up" and the conversation will go from there. Don't worry about the kissing. That will come when it does. I'd reserve that for someone you truely love and care about. And all that stuff about being a virgin, be proud of that. It means that yeah, you are a good guy and aren't going around screwing anyone just for the hell of it, for instant gratifaction. Honestly, (at least this is what I believe) people meet the person they will love purely by chance. You are going to end up talking to this random girl one day for whatever reason and BAM she's gonna be the one. You can't be looking for love, it just comes to you at the right moment. Be patient, act cool and collected, and most important, enjoy your life anyways. Who needs to get hooked up so young. Enjoy your youth! LOL
6. I think that you sound like a real catch! I know that there's a girl out there that will appreciate you for who you are....just give it time. It always happens when your not trying & when you least expect it. (:
7. Annoying when people think you're automatically gay just because you haven't had many girlfriends, isnt it? Excuse my temporary soapbox moment but it's always extremes with people, as if being shy isn't an option, or as if even not being interested in anyone your age because they're simply too immature isn't an option. As you can probably tell I've been in your same position, except while I wasn't shy, I simply didn't want to deal with what I call 'high-school bullshit'. For the record, though, I'm bisexual. Anyway, this is more of a relationships/dating question, and to answer your question, there are hundreds of millions of guys out there just like you. The best advice I can give you by what you've given me (if you even want advice, I'm only assuming maybe you might, which may be a bit arrogant of me) is to simply become close friends with a bunch of girls first. I'm only deducing this but it would seem you usually don't hang out with girls usually, and that's really where the root of the entire problem is quintessentially. Just get to be friends with them through your other friends, then things will really progress from there themselves. Best of luck to you.