Chook Me!

I currently feel bad about being a dark skinned black woman. We get racism from everyone, even black men!?

"Beautiful Black women...I bet that b*tch look better red"- Lil Wayne He's basically implying that beautiful black women look better with light skin. The term "red-bone or yellow-bone" means lighter skinned black person. "Black woman burns her bread, white woman under cooks hers and an Arab woman browns hers to perfection." this is from an ancient poem. Hearing things like this really upsets me. Society and the media make black women feel like our looks are unacceptable and undesirable because they contradict the Euro centric standard of beauty. A standard which is commonly excepted and looked up to in most cultures. The media feeds the public such limited ideas of beauty .Such as long, silky straight hair, light skin, and thin noses I used to hate myself and put myself down because I don’t possess those features. I felt overlooked and undervalued simply because I don’t fit the mold Yet, because I believe that beauty is limitless, I made it my mission to prove everyone wrong who thinks that light skinned, almost white skinned girls with straight hair are more desirable than dark skinned black girls just because they’re light skinned almost white skinned. .I did this by embracing the features that oppose the most common standards of beauty like my dark skin and my natural coily (very tight spiral curls) hair. I do get a lot of male attention and I’ve had offers to model. It really just feels like most guys overlook us dark skinned girls or just aren’t attracted to us. I’m tired of hearing black guys praise a lighter skinned girl mainly because of her skin color. I’m just really frustrated. I know there are a lot of guys out there who talk about how hot black girls are, but the girl is usually light skinned with a good perm or long weave, biracial, or multi racial! If you take a look at hip hop and rap music videos, there are hardly ever any black women there! If she is black, she’s biracial or like ¼ black lol It’s like there’s no appreciation of black looks without any Euro Centricity mixed in with them! As a dark skinned black woman who has dealt with feelings of inadequacy because of my complexion, I feel myself reverting back to my old, poisonous thoughts sometimes and I hate it…but I’m just being honest. I feel like I have to…really bring my A-game when it comes to looks. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not superficial, but it’s like I’m determined to make people see that us dark skinned girls can be beautiful too without looking the slightest European. I know I’m not the only dark skinned black chick out there who feels like this! I love my buttery brown skin and the way it looks so chocolaty in the summer! Goes just right with my chocolate flavored lip gloss ;D hehe yet it seems that so many others just think it’s ugly or aren’t attracted to it  and that’s so discouraging. Do people of other ethnicities even realize this issue in the black community? I’m just curious what do people who aren’t black think of this?

Public Comments

1. That's the way society is, but if you know who you are as a woman and love yourself, who cares what people think. Black women bring these issues on ourselves. We revere lightskinned black women and down the darker ones. It's not just other ethnic groups and black men demeaning us, it's even our own. Until we start loving ourselves and others that look like us, then you can expect these things to continue. Me personally, I could care less. The world is ending soon anyway.
2. I did not read all that sweetheart. However, I imagine being a black woman can not be easy. I notice a lot of you get higher education and gain confidence from being successful and success is always attractive to productive men (( like myself)) I'm attracted to women that can handle themselves in most situation. I'm Italian. Italian women are very similar to black women behavior wise.
3. Don't worry about what people think of your looks. Impress people with your personality and intelligence I think those are much more important. I don't even think about appearance when judging people, so I would think there are other people like me as well.
4. Im a black girl and i get what you mean about dark skinned black girls, its true that black guys esp rappers do that which is rather sad. But you should not be spending so much of your time thinking about your skin colour and trying to make people see that dark skinned are also beautiful, you dont have to prove anything to anyone. Black girls will never be accepted as attractive while the media is dominated by white males and you should be glad dark skinned girls are not used in music videos! look at the way the women in them are degraded, called "whores" and other nasty things. Thats not attractive, it represents black women (dark and light) as booty shaking dumb whores
5. I know it can be very discouraging at times but don't let stupid remarks like that bother you. Im a caramel skinned black woman and I still feel overlooked and its not fair that anyone who is not light with long flowing hair is considered "not in". Just know that as a dark skinned woman, you have a beautiful complexion, and trust me, there are lots of people who admire it even though its not always said out loud. Do not let this make you feel undervalued and overlooked. You have to overcome that feeling and start feeling confident. Its easier said than done but once you can care less about what think about your complexion your beauty will shine through and people cannot help but notice. I hope this helps. You are a beautiful chocolate woman :)
6. yes, I am not black but I understand what you are saying. it seems like the only black people who are accepted as beautiful are afro americans who just have 1/4 of black and I don't think it is fair that they are supposed to represent all the black people. I would find that unfair too if I were black too. "us", white women feel ugly and unwanted too when guys praise blonde women. It seems like the only way to be accepted as beautiful is to be a skinny blonde bimbo. even those who dont have pretty facial feature as long as they are blonde and skinny they are seen as pretty, how weird. and the other type of women, even the ones who are prettier are looked upon. so, I would say in general that we live in a crazy society where people are more and more influenced to look like each other. I have massive confidence issues cause i think i have "particular" features but then I'd never have problems finding boyfriends etc..maybe I should take more proud in looking different yet attractive and you should probably do the same. you should take proud of your lovely complexion, a lot of white women wish to appear more tanned, anyway, my skin isnt so light, and I like it better when i appear tanned ;-)
7. "I do get a lot of male attention and I’ve had offers to model" Yet you're still insecure and say that nobody appreciates dark skin. Would you be happier if it were dark skinned girls in those rap videos getting called bytches and hoes while getting champagne poured on their half naked behinds? Dark skin is certainly marginalized compared to light skin when it comes to mainstream media and a number of black communities, but put yourself in my shoes for a second if you can. I'm a black guy with no dark or light skinned preference. I like all sorts of black women. What am I supposed to say when a black woman like you lays all these issues and insecurities at my feet? Do I have to apologize on behalf of people I don't agree with for doing things I don't engage in? What good does that do anyway? Me being sympathetic isn't going to change society and ultimately only you can change how you feel about yourself. As a black man this is a no win topic/situation, not to mention that as a group black men have our own baggage that we need to deal with. We may be part of the problem, but only you as black women can be the solution. You can't rely on sympathy and compliments from other people or other races. If you're not generating your own self worth, it's bravado, not true confidence
8. "I do get a lot of male attention and I’ve had offers to model." Well then you shouldn't feel bad.... but I do see what you mean the standard has been biased for centuries and is very negative.
9. Not sure if you got my message but listen you need to stop looking at being dark skin as some terrible thing that happened to you unfairly. It is not the skin tone which is the problem. The problem is your view of yourself and lack of self-confidence. Realize you are beautiful within and it will radiate to others. Btw, I am dark skin myself so I hear and understand your rant. Media doesn't really show many dark skin women or black women in general as beautiful. When they do its always an exception or they do look more euro-centric. We cannot change what's out there but we can stop supporting artists that blatantly disrespect us, we can also change what we THINK of ourselves. I get your frustration to an extent but its like you don't see your own beauty or feel it must be aided to compete with lighter ladies. What I don't understand is how you can buy into the inferiority set by media. Make your own standard of beauty. The beauty of black women is their variety. If you think about it, music videos don't hardly have blacks in them at all anymore. This shouldn't necessarily be construed as a bad thing being that women are usually degraded in videos anyway. There are beautiful dark women out there they just aren't as exposed. I hope you don't constantly compare yourself with other women--you will always come up short ridden with insecurity. Let's not play the light vs dark game. I cannot hate on lighter girls with long hair etc because I have friends and family who fit that category so that ends that. If a guy has a preference for a lighter skin girl, then chalk it up as his loss. Its okay for a guy to have a preference! Its not okay for a guy to disrespect women who don't fit his preference! Don't try to be the type of some color struck lame anyway. Let me tell you men of ALL races like black women (yes this includes dark skin) especially overseas. How do I know? I am a pretty dark skin young lady and I attract guys of every race even those who had never dated black girls or darker skin girls. You just have to know for yourself you are beautiful in spite of what media says! Love yourself and your unique confidence will attract the right guy.